"Chapter" One: When being fat was being cute

         Can you remember the first time that someone actually called you fat? Sure... we could have started this with small talk like: I was born in Arizona, youngest of four kids, happy childhood in a city you've probably never heard before. Maybe I should start by telling you my name and saying nice things like "nice to meet you" and "I'm really happy you are willing to hear my story", but it's not happening. Deal with it. I'm not rude, it's not that, but I'm pretty sure you're not here to hear about that time when I put my goldfish in the fridge and it obviously died. 

        So let's back to the start. I really can't remember. Simply because I was not even born the first time I was called fat. The doctor told my mom she was about to have twins. Of course it was just me being fat for the first time. And it felt pretty good, cause even though I can't remember, I had all this baby stuff for two. Way to go, mom! When you are a baby, being fat it's not really a problem. You're supposed to and everyone thinks it's cute. I mean, if you see a baby who is really thin, maybe you should call the social servive. I can't talk about how it felt to be a baby, 'cause, you know, I don't know. But I can tell you my first nickname for fat people envolved my name and ball. It was created by one of my brothers (I really have no idea which one was the responsible) and they still call me that nowadays. What a lovely way to say they love me!

        Well, I'm not here talking about how life's unfair and how much fat people suffer. Even though people can be really mean to each other and it can really make one feel bad for once, I have little voice inside telling me it's all about self-estimee. They'll eventually make fun of you, but, TRUST ME, they make jokes about everyone. "Too skinny", "too fat", "too ugly", "too short", "too tall"... it all can be summarized by "too judgmental". Welcome to the real life. And remember: You can't hear the world laughing at you, if you're laughing harder. You gotta own it, sugar (so said Bobby Cobb). And, talking about sugar, aren't you hungry?